Singletons

So I've finally reached the point where I have done with all the latest episodes of Desperate Housewives I could download from the Internet, and now I am starting with Sex and the City from season 1. I expect that going through this whole series until it's final season 6 will gonna last me around one month's worth of dinner time :-)

I may be slow in picking up these series and I may be even frowned upon for watching such 'typical gay favs', but I do found myself being constantly amazed at how much wisdom is to be found in these relationship based shows. Or at least, I'm amazed at how many hotties are to be found in them! :-)

And I've been reading more of those fellow queer blogs again, suddenly seems like everyone has a 'boyfriend' to be used in their blogs so ever casually - "Me and the boyfriend went ...", "The boyfriend's parrot learned to speak my name..", "Although my boyfriend offered to ..", etc..

Seeing all the 'boyfriend' words just made me realise how desperate I could be again, more so becos I never remembered I ever got to officially use the word 'boyfriend' before. It's almost like a curse on me, that throughout my entire stay on this God-forsaken piece of cosmic pebble, I shall never have the chance to call anyone my 'boyfriend', much less 'hubby'.

Why is it that others can enjoy their boyfriends so seemingly effortless and happily when for me it has to be so full of obstacles and pain and heartaches? Yes I'm aware that I'm not the only one who has to go through hell to win another's heart, but why can't I be one of the lucky ones who can just enjoy a relationship from the get go without getting the nasty surprise of being dumped two weeks later? Just when I thought my curse had been lifted and I wasn't doomed to eternal singlehood..

Even after all the ups and downs with him, the make out and the break ups..

He probably still doesn't know that I want him to be happy more than anything else, even more so than my own happiness. As cynic as he is about love at first sight, I did love him at first sight. And as much as I believe myself to be willing to make him the happiest man for as long as I breath, I am not sure I am capable of making him happy, or at least not anymore.

As the saying goes, "One person suffers is better than two person suffer". Loving him doesn't always mean that I need to be in possess of him, it could also mean that I should be prepared to let go and let someone else who can make him happy, give him the happiness that he deserves.

After all the silent tears and sleepless nights, I think I am now ready to let go, if this is what it takes.