Reason

Gave a lot of thoughts about what happened yesterday, especially during my gym and on my way home.

He told me he has yet to find the quality in me that would make him fall in love with me.

He asked me, "What is the reason that you like me?".

I was caught off guard and told him something along the lines of liking his physical appearance and 'normality'. He retorted that many others look normal as well, and somehow my reason gave him the impression that my affection for him are based on nothing but shallow qualities.

After thinking it through again today, I came to an answer. If I could turn back time, this is how I would have answered him, "I like you because you are who you are."

I would have never liked a person just because of the physical appearance, it's always and has to be the whole package. Some would say that there really is no reason to love someone, because there are those who loved the worst of men, and what was their reason? They had every reason not to love, but they did anyway, because as unemperical as it sounds, love is a feeling that cannot always be explained nor analysed. Even if there's another guy with absolutely identical qualities like him, or even if there's a clone of him, I would have still chosen him, not the clone, because they maybe identical until to the DNA level, there will always be just one whom I've grown attachment to.

To me, physical appearance is no doubt one of the first criteria in causing us to like someone, but as we come to know more of the person, eventually physical appearance will fade away, replaced by a 'soul'. A 'soul' to me is forever a unique entity, because it's what a person has done in the past that defines him and it's our memory of a person that defines the 'soul'. As age catches up with us, or if the physical appearance changed drastically due to some accident, it would not be the physical appearance that enable us to continue loving that person, but his 'soul'.

I may have known him for merely one month, but for me that is already sufficient to know that, I have never been so sure before in my life about someone. For the first time, I can actually make a decision and be confident that I would stick to it. To someone who has been in and out of love so many times, I know the difference when I see one, and this is what made me grasping so fool heartedly onto this romance, even when I could see that he was being unsure and my instinct to protect myself would be to hold back.

All because I knew, that this is probably as close as I could ever get to finding the One.

Some would argue, that there's almost always someone better coming just around the corner, how could I be so sure that this is the One?

The fact is, I don't know, and I probably will never know, but there comes a time, when we know things are as good as they get, that it's now or never. It just so happens that for me, this is the time.

I made an analogy (which a friend somehow found funny) about the problem with me and him: Timing - We both started walking together from the beginning, soon we started running together, but at some point, he stopped and ponder, and went back to walking, while me on the other hand did not, and ended up just kept running, only by the time I looked back, that I realised there's already a huge distance between me and him.

This problem has now caused us to go all the way back to the starting line. I'm not sure what will happen next, but for me the worst has already happened, so for now I'm just gonna take things as they come.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be", at least we share this sentiment now.