The Equation

I attended a workshop about influence last week. We were taught about the various ways of influencing others into reaching your objective: pull, push, bridge, attract and avoid.

It came as kinda surprise to me when I found out that I'm actually more of a 'push' person than say 'pull' or 'bridge', cos all the while I thought I was being really considerate of others when it comes to reaching my goals.

I thought I've always been practising this 'no forcing' p0licy on others, cos I know it's no use pushing others to do what they don't like, heck it can even be counter productive, and to discover myself that I'm still actually more of a 'pusher' is therefore rather unexpected. Maybe it's becos the workshop was done together with my colleagues, so it could be that due to the work environment I might have needed to shift to a more 'push' style to get things done.

But then I started to relate it to things on the other end - personal relationships. Am I really being too much of a 'pusher' all these times when I thought that I was really not?

Looking back, I tend to find myself as a result-oriented guy, cos whenever I see things not going the way I hoped they'd go, I'll take some sort of action. When I couldn't figure out whether someone wants to be with me, I pushed them to make a decision; and when they couldn't make a decision, I made it for them by giving up on them. I couldn't take uncertainty as answer, becos I needed to be ensured and know the direction where we were heading in a relationship.

I fear the unknown and the possibility of disappointment it brings.

I consulted with some of my friends about my involvement with A, I told them about all the ups and downs I had with him, the uncertainty and insecurities I felt and feared so much. Most of them advised me to just get ready to move on, not many think its worth waiting for a guy who may never return the affection in the end. There are so many guys out there, why be the fool for one when you could be the sweetheart for many others?

I gave them the excuse that I'm really tired of being the 5 mins sweetheart of others, I know what I really want at my age, and I'm willing to be the fool if that's what it takes to give me a shot at the jackpot of my life.

I'm really not much of a greedy guy, in fact I think I'm quite easily contented despite my constant efforts in improving the quality of life, e.g. healthier food, new gadgets, clothes, cars and even properties. And I'm definitely not greedy at all in terms of relationships, for I am as monogamous as the monogamous idea goes. One special guy in my life is more than enough to float my boat and in fact that's all I'll ever ask for.

Monogamy is also one of the things that I liked in A. He was a big believer in it (as far as I know) and that's what made him different, we all know how rare true monogamy is in this modern world where everyone is all for and about themselves.

Few days back, I got to see a different side of A - the honest, humble, open and vulnerable side. And it brought in a new equation into the already complicated math problem that I've been working on, a new equation which had me threw away a lot of my old assumptions and perceptions. But funny thing is, I just realized that now the math problem got even more complicated, and I'm still no where near the answer.

Or maybe the answer was there all along, just I couldn't or not willing to see it..