There I was just hours' ago, standing in front of the TV in the gym, watching this movie again which I have watched before a long time ago, 'Mr. Holland's Opus'. Only this time I am older and a different kind of emotion swept over me as I revisited the familiar characters on the TV screen.
The audio was not audible, but I could easily understood what was happening on the screen as bits and pieces of the movie's plot came back to me.
I liked the movie back then when I watched it for the first time, I guess it had such a deep impact on me, that I was automatically drawn to the TV the moment I recognized that it was showing 'Mr. Holland's Opus'.
*** Spoiler ahead! ***
Holland is a talented musician who by chance became the music teacher of a high school, in the process he inspired the students to pick up music through his affectious passion in music. But the ironiest thing happened when his new born child was discovered to be deaf.
The movie showed the struggles of Holland accepting the cruel fact, and how his relationship with his wife and child became strained due to that.
For those interested in reading more about the movie, check out this review:
http://www.filethirteen.com/reviews/mrholland/mrholland.htm
The first surprise while re-watching parts of this movie again was that I noticed the recently famous Terence Howard was actually in it! Boy was he young (and slim) that time, lol.
Second surprise was discovering how much more emotionally affected I had become by the portion of the story involving the deaf child of Holland in the movie, most probably due to my personal involvement with a hearing-impaired friend recently.
I believe part of Holland's greatest grief was that his only child not being able to appreciate and understand Holland's greatest gift, that is music. But as the movie's ending shows, we do not always need any particular sense to feel love, other than the ability to receive love and love in return.
*** End of spoiler ***
I saw a documentary once, about a man who lost the ability to love after a car accident, because the part of his brain which enables him to feel attachments (affection, love) was damaged. I didn't even know such a part of the brain existed before watching this documentary. But apparently it does exist and again it shows just how dependable we are on our delicate bodies to remain 'human'.
The man was a really loving husband and father before the accident, but now he is talking of leaving the family because he didn't want to burden them any further. The documentary interviewed the wife and child, I could not find any word to express my feeling watching the wife on the TV suffering in silent grief and clinging to desperate optimism in hope that the husband would eventually learn back to love her and the child.
Anyway back to Mr Holland, it prompted me to think about what our five senses mean to us in the appreciation of this world. For those who are born with four or less senses, how do we explain what the other senses mean to them? What's red? What's blue? What's Do Re Mi?
And a question striked me, does having less sense(s) make them less dependent on physical traits when it comes to falling in love with someone? Would a sight-impaired person not need to care about how his lover look like? Would a hearing-impaired person not need to know how his lover sound like?
Let us project this situation to a gay who is sight or hearing-impaired, assuming he does not fancy guys who are 'less macho', what happens when he meets someone who acts straight but actually sounds like a sister, or someone who sounds very macho but actually likes to do 'catwalks'?
Maybe this gay guy would fall in love with the 'less macho' lover because he does not possess all the senses to realise the sissiness side of the lover. So in this case, it is not that he is less superficial, it's just that he is not able to 'see' the whole package.
I'm not sure whether I am the only known person who is so superficial, because I realise that I tend to need the agreement of all my five senses to decide on whether a guy attracts me. He has to look attractive, sound attractive, smell attractive, feel (touch) attractive and taste attractive. Is it really because I'm still too young to look past all these?
Of course, I'm all for good character (inner beauty) too, but maybe my mind has been totally brainwashed by the media culture (yes, we are taught to to blame the environment :-P), I am too used to the enjoyment of my senses that I could not possibly look past the outer shell and just appreciate the inner beauty of a lover.
The other morning, I was in the train, squeezing along with the crowd as usual, standing next to me was this short handsome guy, leaning against the edge of the train's door for support. I stretched out my hand to grab on the supporting bar just over his shoulder and accidentally brushed past his hair. At that split of a second, he instictly waved his hand around his head as if trying to chase away a fly. I was thinking, isn't he a bit sensitive?
And then I looked down, there they were, the two unmistakably white sticks folded and hung around his waist. He was sight-impaired.
He had the clearest brown eyes, gazing out of the door's glass, as if looking into somewhere infinity. To me, usually most of the sight/hearing impaired people always seem to be much more jovial than the regular folks (perhaps due to them understanding more of the need to think optimistic). But not this guy. He looked as though he had the greatest burden in his mind. And for some reason, I felt sorry for him, all the while thinking, "Does he know that he really is a sweet looking guy?". Yea, I'm afraid this was all I could think of in that moment of deep reflection, lol.
But now I wondered, would I have given the same amount of attention and thought to him had he been less physically attractive? Guess the disappointing answer was not hard to figure out.
The more I think about this annoying superficial trait of mine, the more I'm beginning to think less of myself, so I'm just gonna stop here and save me the agony of any further self-deprecation.
Afterall it's a Friday, I should be enjoying it! :-)
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Be De Bu
No, I wasn't trying to be cute, lol. But nevertheless it sounded incredibly cute to me when it came out from him.
"Beh Deh Boo" was not exactly the sound that was made, but more like the kind of sound that sounded like to me when he tried to talk.
"Im not sure if u know that Im hearing impaired?"
"Nope I didn't know that, but its perfectly alright wif me :-) U can read my lips n body language?"
"Cool man. I can lip reading and body language if stuck so write down there ve no prob with u but its up to u cheer mate"
Yes, he was hearing impaired and could barely speak. Sometimes I could see that he tried hard to answer my questions in short vocal answers, but to me most of the time they all sounded like some cute baby speech from him, which I found very endearing.
"Were you born like this?"
"Yes, but life goes on"
Then he flashed that unforgettable smile of his.
I only got to know of his impairment just before we met. But it was really the least worry on my mind, cos I was more worried that he might not like what he sees.
The moment he arrived at my table, I think I have forgotten how to breath, not to mention remove my eyes from him. I'm not afraid to admit that I was really lovestruck then, cos he obviously had the face of an angel. To me, anyone as cute as him can only be found in the heavens.
The night went on, cold rain was drizzling outside the pub, but from where I sit I could feel the warmth from him and his occasional heavy breathing due to his wheezing condition, which in a way gave out a strong feeling of presence from him.
On our way out, I noticed that he did not bring any sweaters or jackets. He wore a simple but trendy and young looking collared t-shirt with jeans. We showed each other our handphones again.
"You are not cold?"
"Nope not cold, I'm a local remember?"
He flexed out those sexy biceps from his lean body of a 25 yo and gave a sheepish grin. Again, that unforgettable smile of his.
The next day he went out of the country for about 11 days. Yes I was quite disappointed that he had to be away during this particular period, but I had no choice but to secretly count the days while he was away.
When he finally came back, we met for the second time. During the 11 days, I took the opportunity to learn some simple sign languages. Perhaps I thought I could show him that I cared.
"I'm up for anything, your choice"
"What say we go to that Japanese restaurent?"
"Perfect ! See you there"
Actually the only word I remembered perfectly from the mobile text conversation was the word 'Perfect !', I was really happy that he liked the idea.
He arrived in a long sleeved white shirt with checkered lines and a pair of jeans, I'm not even sure what more superlatives I can use to describe how attractive he was that night.
I had to be dreaming.
"Do you dance?"
"Sometimes, I can follow the vibrations on the floor"
I wished there was a dance floor there in the Japanese restaurent.
At one point, I asked him whether I could keep the stacks of papers we have written throughout our conversations.
"You wish! :-)"
"Why not? You are going to throw them anyway right?"
"Yes, but speaking people do not record their conversations right? So this should not be any different"
Now why didn't I think of that? Needless to say, after listening to his point, I was ashamed to have even suggested it in the first place, lol.
The music and night went on, turned out to be one of my most unforgettable dream.
Before I had to leave for good, I left him a note, hoping he'll keep in touch, although I knew it was probably not what he had in mind. As innocent as he seemed to me, he had his own world and dreams, I was but a guest rubbing shoulders with his on our roads of life which crossed paths for a short time.
In the end I realised, perhaps good things are never meant to last forever, because if we had everything we wanted, we'd have nothing to dream for but nightmares from the fear of losing what we have.
Nowadays whenever I hear a nice song, I'll think of him. If only I could share this wonderful gift with him.
"Beh Deh Boo" was not exactly the sound that was made, but more like the kind of sound that sounded like to me when he tried to talk.
"Im not sure if u know that Im hearing impaired?"
"Nope I didn't know that, but its perfectly alright wif me :-) U can read my lips n body language?"
"Cool man. I can lip reading and body language if stuck so write down there ve no prob with u but its up to u cheer mate"
Yes, he was hearing impaired and could barely speak. Sometimes I could see that he tried hard to answer my questions in short vocal answers, but to me most of the time they all sounded like some cute baby speech from him, which I found very endearing.
"Were you born like this?"
"Yes, but life goes on"
Then he flashed that unforgettable smile of his.
I only got to know of his impairment just before we met. But it was really the least worry on my mind, cos I was more worried that he might not like what he sees.
The moment he arrived at my table, I think I have forgotten how to breath, not to mention remove my eyes from him. I'm not afraid to admit that I was really lovestruck then, cos he obviously had the face of an angel. To me, anyone as cute as him can only be found in the heavens.
The night went on, cold rain was drizzling outside the pub, but from where I sit I could feel the warmth from him and his occasional heavy breathing due to his wheezing condition, which in a way gave out a strong feeling of presence from him.
On our way out, I noticed that he did not bring any sweaters or jackets. He wore a simple but trendy and young looking collared t-shirt with jeans. We showed each other our handphones again.
"You are not cold?"
"Nope not cold, I'm a local remember?"
He flexed out those sexy biceps from his lean body of a 25 yo and gave a sheepish grin. Again, that unforgettable smile of his.
The next day he went out of the country for about 11 days. Yes I was quite disappointed that he had to be away during this particular period, but I had no choice but to secretly count the days while he was away.
When he finally came back, we met for the second time. During the 11 days, I took the opportunity to learn some simple sign languages. Perhaps I thought I could show him that I cared.
"I'm up for anything, your choice"
"What say we go to that Japanese restaurent?"
"Perfect ! See you there"
Actually the only word I remembered perfectly from the mobile text conversation was the word 'Perfect !', I was really happy that he liked the idea.
He arrived in a long sleeved white shirt with checkered lines and a pair of jeans, I'm not even sure what more superlatives I can use to describe how attractive he was that night.
I had to be dreaming.
"Do you dance?"
"Sometimes, I can follow the vibrations on the floor"
I wished there was a dance floor there in the Japanese restaurent.
At one point, I asked him whether I could keep the stacks of papers we have written throughout our conversations.
"You wish! :-)"
"Why not? You are going to throw them anyway right?"
"Yes, but speaking people do not record their conversations right? So this should not be any different"
Now why didn't I think of that? Needless to say, after listening to his point, I was ashamed to have even suggested it in the first place, lol.
The music and night went on, turned out to be one of my most unforgettable dream.
Before I had to leave for good, I left him a note, hoping he'll keep in touch, although I knew it was probably not what he had in mind. As innocent as he seemed to me, he had his own world and dreams, I was but a guest rubbing shoulders with his on our roads of life which crossed paths for a short time.
In the end I realised, perhaps good things are never meant to last forever, because if we had everything we wanted, we'd have nothing to dream for but nightmares from the fear of losing what we have.
Nowadays whenever I hear a nice song, I'll think of him. If only I could share this wonderful gift with him.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Three Lives
Just touched down at Kuala Lumpur 6 hours ago.
And I'm supposed to wake up for work in about 4 hours' time.
Oh goody.
Luckily I had some sleep on the 13 hrs flight from London to KL, and it's been on my mind, wanting to write down these thoughts of Europe while they are still fresh on my mind.
My visit to three countries, felt like three lifetimes.
My first life started in a medieval country, where fairies and leprachauns still live among the common folks. Green is everywhere, sprinkled with the redness of the hair, pinkness of the complexion and emerald blue of the eyes of the handsome locals. I learnt to appreciate the beauty of silence through a friend, who will always remind me of the wonderful moments I had in this lifetime.
Second life started as I bid a soundless goodbye to Green with a gentle kiss on his hands. And I stepped into this new world of yellow and blue, a utopia built on countless interconnecting islands. The beauty is almost unparalled, as if I'm living in a movie set of old magnificent constructions built on futuristic landscapes. The people who live here are highly fashioned, blonde in hair, pale in skin, with a piercing blueness in their eyes. These inheritors of this utopia speak a language which is not of my own, and they talked about things which are still but dreams to many other worlds. My utopian friend tried his best to make me feel welcomed, but perhaps I found myself not belonging there, for I hope much, even for a utopian.
And with heavy thoughts and hugs, I left the yellow and went into the brown. This third life is in a world of unexpectedly gritty and old. Yet do not let such deceptive exteriors fool you, for the brown haired, fair skinned and grey blue eyed people here are not mere remnants of an old civilization, they are keepers of the sacred relics, tradition and knowledge. They practise one of the highest level of culinary art, the wonderful tastes which I had experienced will never be forgotten no matter how many lifetimes I've been through. It is here I found myself rediscovering the essence of romance, the love for knowledge and the path to a fulfilled life. I left this life by rememberance of the immense love bestowed to me by Brown, he who is always cheerful, loving and unselfishly caring.
With these, I end my thoughts of the journey through the three lives which I've had the pleasure to have. All three lives are very different, yet they have all enriched me in many ways.
And I'm supposed to wake up for work in about 4 hours' time.
Oh goody.
Luckily I had some sleep on the 13 hrs flight from London to KL, and it's been on my mind, wanting to write down these thoughts of Europe while they are still fresh on my mind.
My visit to three countries, felt like three lifetimes.
My first life started in a medieval country, where fairies and leprachauns still live among the common folks. Green is everywhere, sprinkled with the redness of the hair, pinkness of the complexion and emerald blue of the eyes of the handsome locals. I learnt to appreciate the beauty of silence through a friend, who will always remind me of the wonderful moments I had in this lifetime.
Second life started as I bid a soundless goodbye to Green with a gentle kiss on his hands. And I stepped into this new world of yellow and blue, a utopia built on countless interconnecting islands. The beauty is almost unparalled, as if I'm living in a movie set of old magnificent constructions built on futuristic landscapes. The people who live here are highly fashioned, blonde in hair, pale in skin, with a piercing blueness in their eyes. These inheritors of this utopia speak a language which is not of my own, and they talked about things which are still but dreams to many other worlds. My utopian friend tried his best to make me feel welcomed, but perhaps I found myself not belonging there, for I hope much, even for a utopian.
And with heavy thoughts and hugs, I left the yellow and went into the brown. This third life is in a world of unexpectedly gritty and old. Yet do not let such deceptive exteriors fool you, for the brown haired, fair skinned and grey blue eyed people here are not mere remnants of an old civilization, they are keepers of the sacred relics, tradition and knowledge. They practise one of the highest level of culinary art, the wonderful tastes which I had experienced will never be forgotten no matter how many lifetimes I've been through. It is here I found myself rediscovering the essence of romance, the love for knowledge and the path to a fulfilled life. I left this life by rememberance of the immense love bestowed to me by Brown, he who is always cheerful, loving and unselfishly caring.
With these, I end my thoughts of the journey through the three lives which I've had the pleasure to have. All three lives are very different, yet they have all enriched me in many ways.
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