Last night I dreamt of my ex-boss and my ex-colleagues from my ex-company.
Been a long time since I last dreamt of them.
My ex-boss was more than a father figure to me, perhaps more so now than ever.
In the dream that almost felt like real, he was glad to see me. He smiled warmly and asked me to join him for dinner.
I miss them.
And I miss him.
I believe some dreams are meant to remind us of the things that we might have forgotten, maybe this dream is one such.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
A (Very Long) Fairytale
The story begins when he first sent me a mail in an online profile website..
I did not really pay attention to him at first, and only replied his mails casually, because he did not seem to be 'my type' from the pictures he posted on his profile.
Somehow throughout the correspondence, we exchanged contact numbers, cos he seemed really interested in getting to know me.
After some periods of long silence and missed opportunities to meet up (mainly cos I wasn't really interested in meeting up), one day he sent me an sms asking to meet up with me.
And we finally got to meet.
It must had been one of the strangest things that had happened to me, because apparently he was one of those cute passerbys on the street whom I had seen quite a number times and somehow left such a deep impression in my mind that I recognized the familiar face the moment I saw him (hereafter to be refered to as the Cute Guy). It was quite a shock, as in "Oh my gawd, it's HIM!" and a very pleasent one at that.
So we chatted, over a fairly large range of topics, as I was quite into it, obviously due to the fact that I have had crushes on him even before I knew him (when I passed him by at some random places previously, at which point I still did not know he was gay, strange I know to be able to bump into somebody I don't even know for so many times, apparently KL is really not that big :-P).
In the course of the conversation, he mentioned a bit about his desire to venture into having his own business and asked me what do I think about doing my own business. I didn't give much thought about it and replied casually.
I was kinda surprised to find that during the course of our dinner chat, he bumped into quite a few of his friends there (which was a popular shopping centre). He invited one of his friends to stop by and joined our chat. And that was when things start to go a bit weird.
His friend begun to elaborate quite a bit on his experience of being a businessman, how he built up his own business and is now venturing into some other apparently very 'do-able' business venture.
After trying my best to give him my full attention listening to his experience, he left telling me to consider giving myself a chance to explore other opportunities. Although he did not really tell me what business venture he was involved in (he only mentioned an apparently quite famous organization with three letters, which I had no idea what it was about at that moment), but I sort of had an inkling that it may be one of those that involves some heavy 'people networking'.
Before walking to the train station with Cute Guy, he told me he'd like to stop by somewhere to take his bag. And arriving at that 'somewhere' (hereafter to be refered to as the HQ) finally helped me realised what the business venture Cute Guy and his friend were referring to. However it still gave me quite a bit of surprise, because I had been to one of the seminars organized by this business venture sometime back, thanks to my primary school mate (actually my purpose that time was just to have a reunion with the old school mate, but the school mate suggested to meet me at the seminar, so I went reluctantly), but I did not know it was related to this three-letter organization that Cute Guy is involved in.
After the detour to HQ, Cute Guy apparently noticed my lack of interest in the business venture and it seemed as if his attitude towards me became colder compared to before (could be just my imagination, but I am generally quite sensitive/over-sensitive towards other people's moods).
We stopped by for some light supper before heading towards the train station.
I tried to console myself that the coldness was probably cos Cute Guy was tired, so I kept my utmost optimistic character and bid farewell to him at the train station.
That night after reaching home, I did the usual stupid things I'd do when I meet someone I really like - I expressed my liking for him in sms. His reply was very vague at best, comprised of some laughing expressions and general avoidance of the 'more than friend' topic. I expressed my wish to see him again soon.
Two days later..
Cute Guy smsed me asking to meet me up after work. No doubt, I was only too happy to meet him again.
As the meeting approached, he gave me a call, asking me whether I mind going to the HQ to meet him instead of the earlier agreed place, cos he had some things to do there. My excitement to meet him took a dive, an uneasy feeling started to creep down my spine. I was beginning able to see where it was leading me, but I still said yes despite my reservations, cos I really wanted to see him again.
Arriving at HQ, he came to greet me and brought me into the building. He asked me whether I had my dinner, I said no, cos I thought I could have it with him. He seem surprised, and said he'd accompany me to have some light snacks first, and that he'll accompany me for a more proper dinner after he's done with his stuff at HQ.
During the light snack, he asked me whether it was ok for him to explain more of the business venture stuff to me, I said I was fine with it. Then he asked me, would I feel that he tricked me into listening to all these business venture stuff. I said no, and that I went with my own will (when the fact was that I was so into him that time I would have agreed to do anything for him).
After some detailed explanations of the business venture by his two seniors followed by an additional 2-hour seminar, I finally came out of the HQ tired, hungry and with a very full bladder, cos I was reluctant to leave the seminar half-way seeing how everyone there was so engrossed in the motivational talk and also I did not want to dissapoint Cute Guy (who I later noticed was actually no where to be found in the seminar). But I did notice some familiar faces I've seen before from the online profiles, apparently quite a number of 'people like us' are in such business, which I must say came as not much of a surprise, seeing how big of a 'network' we tend to make over time *cough*.
Coming out of the HQ, I met again with Cute Guy and we finally went for a proper dinner. He again seemed kinda cold, and I again try to convince myself that he was probably tired. He told me I shouldn't have left the seminar by myself leaving his senior behind, because it was his senior who brought me into the seminar. I apologized, explaining that I was trying to look for him as soon as the seminar ended, therefore I left without following his senior.
The subsequent conversations between us were interspaced with some awkward quiet moments, when I would feel kinda lost and not sure how I should go about chatting with his sometimes cold demeanor. I tried asking his opinion about the possibility of meeting again, but he always seem to give vague answers, although sometimes he does show like he was enjoying our interactions.
We parted at the train station.
After that, we managed to exchange a few sms. Until now, I'm still not sure whether the reason he asked to meet me up was because he was interested in getting to have us know each other better, or was he merely wanting to explore the possibility of me becoming his business partner.
The reason I'm detailing out this experience is not to criticize nor condemn these business ventures, but just to tell what happened as it is, you are free to have any of your own intrepertation and views about them. Personally I have nothing against such business ventures, except that I feel uneasy on the fact that they primarily use human relations as a mean of earning money.
Perhaps I am still considered old-fashioned, not being able to see the new light coming out of this new breed of business, clinging to my age-old concept of being contented by just being an average salaried joe.
I have been to a few of their seminars before (each of different companies), and to me it felt like attending a religious gathering, because most of the time there would be some prominent figures in the organizations who have earned a lot of money. These key figures would attain a god-like status in the organizations, worshipped by the members of the organization and becoming the ultimate role model. You will see that the members would be generally quite psyched up to becoming the next god, that they would attend the nightly gatherings and seminars religously, and that they would cheer and chant their mottos full of vigor. Is this really not like a religion?
Maybe it's the nature of current modern society, where people are so tired of everyday relationship strains, workplace politics, and they tend to look for a place where they can feel that they belong to, where people treats them like family, where they can have someone worthy of looking up to, and something to believe in. Such organizations based on 'people networking' provided these to them, especially to the more impressionable young crowds.
Yes, it is a proven fact that there are many who have made it to the riches doing such business ventures, yet if you ask me, I would rather not want to become a millionaire if it means I have to capitalise on my friends and families. I'm afraid of people looking at me as someone who just befriend them becos I want them to 'see the light' and join me together in becoming the next millionaire.
It is one thing to gain some benefits through human relationships (i.e. workplace politics), it is another thing to befriend someone just for the sake of earning more money, because if anything, friendships shouldn't be based on monetary values they can bring to you. You are my friend because it is you as a person I enjoy being with, not because you can help me buy that long desired Ferrari or Louis Vuitton bag.
Of course, I believe not all who joined the 'people networking' businesses look at human relationships as merely threads of monetary benefits, but the nature of such businesses tend to colour them in the same shade of hue, creating doubts in the minds of outsiders like me who really doesn't know when they are truly genuine in making friends, or just wanted to see whether they can sign me up as their business partners.
I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone who read this diary entry, again I would like to stress that it is not my intention to judge anyone or what they do, I am just trying to share a dilemma I recently faced that is related to such networking business and what I personally think of it. Anyone is free to make their own judgements. Maybe they might think I deserve to have such dilemma for it seems as if I fell into it self-knowingly (lust, anyone?), or maybe they might think I was just trying to whine about not being able to get the guy that I liked by blaming the networking business dehumanize people, etc..
This is called a fairytale, only because I really hoped it would turn out to be a fairytale in the beginning. But I guess I should have known my luck in such things :-P
I did not really pay attention to him at first, and only replied his mails casually, because he did not seem to be 'my type' from the pictures he posted on his profile.
Somehow throughout the correspondence, we exchanged contact numbers, cos he seemed really interested in getting to know me.
After some periods of long silence and missed opportunities to meet up (mainly cos I wasn't really interested in meeting up), one day he sent me an sms asking to meet up with me.
And we finally got to meet.
It must had been one of the strangest things that had happened to me, because apparently he was one of those cute passerbys on the street whom I had seen quite a number times and somehow left such a deep impression in my mind that I recognized the familiar face the moment I saw him (hereafter to be refered to as the Cute Guy). It was quite a shock, as in "Oh my gawd, it's HIM!" and a very pleasent one at that.
So we chatted, over a fairly large range of topics, as I was quite into it, obviously due to the fact that I have had crushes on him even before I knew him (when I passed him by at some random places previously, at which point I still did not know he was gay, strange I know to be able to bump into somebody I don't even know for so many times, apparently KL is really not that big :-P).
In the course of the conversation, he mentioned a bit about his desire to venture into having his own business and asked me what do I think about doing my own business. I didn't give much thought about it and replied casually.
I was kinda surprised to find that during the course of our dinner chat, he bumped into quite a few of his friends there (which was a popular shopping centre). He invited one of his friends to stop by and joined our chat. And that was when things start to go a bit weird.
His friend begun to elaborate quite a bit on his experience of being a businessman, how he built up his own business and is now venturing into some other apparently very 'do-able' business venture.
After trying my best to give him my full attention listening to his experience, he left telling me to consider giving myself a chance to explore other opportunities. Although he did not really tell me what business venture he was involved in (he only mentioned an apparently quite famous organization with three letters, which I had no idea what it was about at that moment), but I sort of had an inkling that it may be one of those that involves some heavy 'people networking'.
Before walking to the train station with Cute Guy, he told me he'd like to stop by somewhere to take his bag. And arriving at that 'somewhere' (hereafter to be refered to as the HQ) finally helped me realised what the business venture Cute Guy and his friend were referring to. However it still gave me quite a bit of surprise, because I had been to one of the seminars organized by this business venture sometime back, thanks to my primary school mate (actually my purpose that time was just to have a reunion with the old school mate, but the school mate suggested to meet me at the seminar, so I went reluctantly), but I did not know it was related to this three-letter organization that Cute Guy is involved in.
After the detour to HQ, Cute Guy apparently noticed my lack of interest in the business venture and it seemed as if his attitude towards me became colder compared to before (could be just my imagination, but I am generally quite sensitive/over-sensitive towards other people's moods).
We stopped by for some light supper before heading towards the train station.
I tried to console myself that the coldness was probably cos Cute Guy was tired, so I kept my utmost optimistic character and bid farewell to him at the train station.
That night after reaching home, I did the usual stupid things I'd do when I meet someone I really like - I expressed my liking for him in sms. His reply was very vague at best, comprised of some laughing expressions and general avoidance of the 'more than friend' topic. I expressed my wish to see him again soon.
Two days later..
Cute Guy smsed me asking to meet me up after work. No doubt, I was only too happy to meet him again.
As the meeting approached, he gave me a call, asking me whether I mind going to the HQ to meet him instead of the earlier agreed place, cos he had some things to do there. My excitement to meet him took a dive, an uneasy feeling started to creep down my spine. I was beginning able to see where it was leading me, but I still said yes despite my reservations, cos I really wanted to see him again.
Arriving at HQ, he came to greet me and brought me into the building. He asked me whether I had my dinner, I said no, cos I thought I could have it with him. He seem surprised, and said he'd accompany me to have some light snacks first, and that he'll accompany me for a more proper dinner after he's done with his stuff at HQ.
During the light snack, he asked me whether it was ok for him to explain more of the business venture stuff to me, I said I was fine with it. Then he asked me, would I feel that he tricked me into listening to all these business venture stuff. I said no, and that I went with my own will (when the fact was that I was so into him that time I would have agreed to do anything for him).
After some detailed explanations of the business venture by his two seniors followed by an additional 2-hour seminar, I finally came out of the HQ tired, hungry and with a very full bladder, cos I was reluctant to leave the seminar half-way seeing how everyone there was so engrossed in the motivational talk and also I did not want to dissapoint Cute Guy (who I later noticed was actually no where to be found in the seminar). But I did notice some familiar faces I've seen before from the online profiles, apparently quite a number of 'people like us' are in such business, which I must say came as not much of a surprise, seeing how big of a 'network' we tend to make over time *cough*.
Coming out of the HQ, I met again with Cute Guy and we finally went for a proper dinner. He again seemed kinda cold, and I again try to convince myself that he was probably tired. He told me I shouldn't have left the seminar by myself leaving his senior behind, because it was his senior who brought me into the seminar. I apologized, explaining that I was trying to look for him as soon as the seminar ended, therefore I left without following his senior.
The subsequent conversations between us were interspaced with some awkward quiet moments, when I would feel kinda lost and not sure how I should go about chatting with his sometimes cold demeanor. I tried asking his opinion about the possibility of meeting again, but he always seem to give vague answers, although sometimes he does show like he was enjoying our interactions.
We parted at the train station.
After that, we managed to exchange a few sms. Until now, I'm still not sure whether the reason he asked to meet me up was because he was interested in getting to have us know each other better, or was he merely wanting to explore the possibility of me becoming his business partner.
The reason I'm detailing out this experience is not to criticize nor condemn these business ventures, but just to tell what happened as it is, you are free to have any of your own intrepertation and views about them. Personally I have nothing against such business ventures, except that I feel uneasy on the fact that they primarily use human relations as a mean of earning money.
Perhaps I am still considered old-fashioned, not being able to see the new light coming out of this new breed of business, clinging to my age-old concept of being contented by just being an average salaried joe.
I have been to a few of their seminars before (each of different companies), and to me it felt like attending a religious gathering, because most of the time there would be some prominent figures in the organizations who have earned a lot of money. These key figures would attain a god-like status in the organizations, worshipped by the members of the organization and becoming the ultimate role model. You will see that the members would be generally quite psyched up to becoming the next god, that they would attend the nightly gatherings and seminars religously, and that they would cheer and chant their mottos full of vigor. Is this really not like a religion?
Maybe it's the nature of current modern society, where people are so tired of everyday relationship strains, workplace politics, and they tend to look for a place where they can feel that they belong to, where people treats them like family, where they can have someone worthy of looking up to, and something to believe in. Such organizations based on 'people networking' provided these to them, especially to the more impressionable young crowds.
Yes, it is a proven fact that there are many who have made it to the riches doing such business ventures, yet if you ask me, I would rather not want to become a millionaire if it means I have to capitalise on my friends and families. I'm afraid of people looking at me as someone who just befriend them becos I want them to 'see the light' and join me together in becoming the next millionaire.
It is one thing to gain some benefits through human relationships (i.e. workplace politics), it is another thing to befriend someone just for the sake of earning more money, because if anything, friendships shouldn't be based on monetary values they can bring to you. You are my friend because it is you as a person I enjoy being with, not because you can help me buy that long desired Ferrari or Louis Vuitton bag.
Of course, I believe not all who joined the 'people networking' businesses look at human relationships as merely threads of monetary benefits, but the nature of such businesses tend to colour them in the same shade of hue, creating doubts in the minds of outsiders like me who really doesn't know when they are truly genuine in making friends, or just wanted to see whether they can sign me up as their business partners.
I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone who read this diary entry, again I would like to stress that it is not my intention to judge anyone or what they do, I am just trying to share a dilemma I recently faced that is related to such networking business and what I personally think of it. Anyone is free to make their own judgements. Maybe they might think I deserve to have such dilemma for it seems as if I fell into it self-knowingly (lust, anyone?), or maybe they might think I was just trying to whine about not being able to get the guy that I liked by blaming the networking business dehumanize people, etc..
This is called a fairytale, only because I really hoped it would turn out to be a fairytale in the beginning. But I guess I should have known my luck in such things :-P
Monday, April 17, 2006
Protector vs. Protected
I usually project the image that I'm a top guy, and most of the time I am, because I don't like showing my vulnerability and being seen as the weaker one. Or, you can also say that I have an ego problem (*chuckles*, uhm I meant *ahem*).
I don't know about other gay men, whether those supposedly butch ones are really that butch both inside and outside, cos for me, I find myself divided between times when I wanted to protect someone and times when I wanted to be protected.
One popular question people tends to ask is whether one likes someone younger or older? For me, it doesn't really make much difference, because I had fell for both younger and older guys before. And whenever I am the older one, I tend to automatically switch to the 'protector' mode, where else when I am the younger one, I'll automatically switch to the 'protected' mode. I know this is probably due to the common notion that the older guy is supposed to take care of the younger one.
Nevertheless it makes me wonder, especially recently, do I really want to be the protector or the protected?
Frankly speaking, I enjoyed being in both roles (*cough*). But in a relationship, must it always be defined that one is the protector and the other is the protected?
Take straight couples for example, I'm sure most of the time the men would be the ones expected to take on the role of the 'protector' while the women would be the 'protected'. But is there really no point in time that the men would feel the need to be protected by their female companions as well?
I don't know how this topic came to me suddenly, seeing how my mind has been a total mess lately. I have reached the point where I think I have ran out of stuff to think, everything felt like recycled garbage to me - same ol' topics on love, sex and frustrations of everyday life.
For the first time in many many moons, I couldn't sleep well last night, and that landed me on a visit to the doctor the next day. I know my problem was I did not have enough sleep, yet tried as I may, I just couldn't fall asleep. My eyes are tired, my body is tired, but my mind is like running at 200 kmph.
Ok, think I better go make another try at the sleeping thing now, cos really don't want another MC tomorrow. It's raining outside, so I hope should be quite nice for sleeping :-)
I don't know about other gay men, whether those supposedly butch ones are really that butch both inside and outside, cos for me, I find myself divided between times when I wanted to protect someone and times when I wanted to be protected.
One popular question people tends to ask is whether one likes someone younger or older? For me, it doesn't really make much difference, because I had fell for both younger and older guys before. And whenever I am the older one, I tend to automatically switch to the 'protector' mode, where else when I am the younger one, I'll automatically switch to the 'protected' mode. I know this is probably due to the common notion that the older guy is supposed to take care of the younger one.
Nevertheless it makes me wonder, especially recently, do I really want to be the protector or the protected?
Frankly speaking, I enjoyed being in both roles (*cough*). But in a relationship, must it always be defined that one is the protector and the other is the protected?
Take straight couples for example, I'm sure most of the time the men would be the ones expected to take on the role of the 'protector' while the women would be the 'protected'. But is there really no point in time that the men would feel the need to be protected by their female companions as well?
I don't know how this topic came to me suddenly, seeing how my mind has been a total mess lately. I have reached the point where I think I have ran out of stuff to think, everything felt like recycled garbage to me - same ol' topics on love, sex and frustrations of everyday life.
For the first time in many many moons, I couldn't sleep well last night, and that landed me on a visit to the doctor the next day. I know my problem was I did not have enough sleep, yet tried as I may, I just couldn't fall asleep. My eyes are tired, my body is tired, but my mind is like running at 200 kmph.
Ok, think I better go make another try at the sleeping thing now, cos really don't want another MC tomorrow. It's raining outside, so I hope should be quite nice for sleeping :-)
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Why do I care?
Such a stupid and arrogant question, maybe that's why it never occured to me to find the answer until now.
It's time for me to lift the burden that I've subjected myself to all these while, a burden self-manifested from the constant desire of my heart to own the people I like.
I wanted to own their love, because I have always felt myself being deprived of it, deprived of the love from the people I desired most.
You know when you wanted something so much and so badly, you allow your whole mind and soul to be consumed by the desire to make it yours, and after a while you just forgot the reason why you wanted it in the first place.
Given enough time, eventually you'll be worn down, worn down by time and dissapointments only you yourself realise. And reason gradually starts to get through that thick layer of self-denial, and it suddenly hit you, why do you care when the fact is there is really nothing to care?
Everything is just in your mind, you put those desires there, you forced yourself to live by them without questioning why. At the end of the day, you realise you are but just a guest passing through their lives, a guest who has probably overstayed his welcome.
So move on please, by all means.
It's time for me to lift the burden that I've subjected myself to all these while, a burden self-manifested from the constant desire of my heart to own the people I like.
I wanted to own their love, because I have always felt myself being deprived of it, deprived of the love from the people I desired most.
You know when you wanted something so much and so badly, you allow your whole mind and soul to be consumed by the desire to make it yours, and after a while you just forgot the reason why you wanted it in the first place.
Given enough time, eventually you'll be worn down, worn down by time and dissapointments only you yourself realise. And reason gradually starts to get through that thick layer of self-denial, and it suddenly hit you, why do you care when the fact is there is really nothing to care?
Everything is just in your mind, you put those desires there, you forced yourself to live by them without questioning why. At the end of the day, you realise you are but just a guest passing through their lives, a guest who has probably overstayed his welcome.
So move on please, by all means.
Friday, April 07, 2006
贪
曾经以为不会再遇到另一个比S君让我更想拥有的伴侣，
但是原来贪是无止境的。
今天遇到个E君，
忽然间觉得更想拥有E君。
但可笑的是，
两个其实都是我可望而不可触的天使。
听起来应该会觉得我这个人蛮贪得无厌的吧，
没伴侣是应该的。
事实是，虽然只是一界凡人，但我还是很想得到，一个属于自己的天使。
***
無求甚麼 無尋甚麼
突破天地 但求夜深
奔波以後 能望見你
你可否 知道麼
平凡亦可 平淡亦可
自有天地 但求日出
清早到後 能望見你
那已經 很好過
當身邊的一切如風
是你讓我找到根蒂
不願離開 祗願留低
情是永不枯萎
而每過一天 每一天 這醉者
便愛你多些 再多些 至滿瀉
我發覺我最愛與你編寫 OH OH
以後明天的深夜
而每過一天 每一天 這醉者
便愛你多些 再多些 至滿瀉
我最愛你與我這生一起 OH OH
那懼明天風高路斜
名是甚麼 財是甚麼
是好滋味 但如在生
朝朝每夜 能望見你
那更加 的好過
而每過一天 每一天 這情深者
便愛你多些 然後再多一些
我最愛你與我這生一起 OH OH
那懼明天風高路斜
但是原来贪是无止境的。
今天遇到个E君，
忽然间觉得更想拥有E君。
但可笑的是，
两个其实都是我可望而不可触的天使。
听起来应该会觉得我这个人蛮贪得无厌的吧，
没伴侣是应该的。
事实是，虽然只是一界凡人，但我还是很想得到，一个属于自己的天使。
***
無求甚麼 無尋甚麼
突破天地 但求夜深
奔波以後 能望見你
你可否 知道麼
平凡亦可 平淡亦可
自有天地 但求日出
清早到後 能望見你
那已經 很好過
當身邊的一切如風
是你讓我找到根蒂
不願離開 祗願留低
情是永不枯萎
而每過一天 每一天 這醉者
便愛你多些 再多些 至滿瀉
我發覺我最愛與你編寫 OH OH
以後明天的深夜
而每過一天 每一天 這醉者
便愛你多些 再多些 至滿瀉
我最愛你與我這生一起 OH OH
那懼明天風高路斜
名是甚麼 財是甚麼
是好滋味 但如在生
朝朝每夜 能望見你
那更加 的好過
而每過一天 每一天 這情深者
便愛你多些 然後再多一些
我最愛你與我這生一起 OH OH
那懼明天風高路斜
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The sad affair of things
It's demoralising,
Everytime you met someone you really liked and you thought might stand a chance with,
You have this tiny little joyous hope that maybe Lady Luck might shine on you this time,
Hope you are not the forsaken one destined to rot forever in singlehood,
That there maybe light afterall at the end of the tunnel,
Yet as soon as you make a move,
'Poof!' it goes your little bubble dream of hope and love and happiness.
Better luck next time boy.
Yes, utterly demoralising,
So many little hopes and dreams and imagination of happiness,
And as equally many 'poof's it feeds the ever growing misery upon each recall.
There reaches a point,
Where you feel defeated,
Demotivated,
Brought to your knees,
And you succumb to the fate brought to you.
That is when you start to believe in the sad affair of things, where happiness is but an illusion which shields us from the cruel truth that is - reality.
Everytime you met someone you really liked and you thought might stand a chance with,
You have this tiny little joyous hope that maybe Lady Luck might shine on you this time,
Hope you are not the forsaken one destined to rot forever in singlehood,
That there maybe light afterall at the end of the tunnel,
Yet as soon as you make a move,
'Poof!' it goes your little bubble dream of hope and love and happiness.
Better luck next time boy.
Yes, utterly demoralising,
So many little hopes and dreams and imagination of happiness,
And as equally many 'poof's it feeds the ever growing misery upon each recall.
There reaches a point,
Where you feel defeated,
Demotivated,
Brought to your knees,
And you succumb to the fate brought to you.
That is when you start to believe in the sad affair of things, where happiness is but an illusion which shields us from the cruel truth that is - reality.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I wish I was the one who said,
"Love is like reading a novel to me, some have 500 pages and some only 100 pages, but no matter how long the pages, just remember the parts tat you like (sweet memories).
That's my view of love, sometime I really don't dare to love because I know chances are I will be dissapointed and hurt.
No matter what life goes on, good bye and good nite and all the best to you.. John"
That's my view of love, sometime I really don't dare to love because I know chances are I will be dissapointed and hurt.
No matter what life goes on, good bye and good nite and all the best to you.. John"
Electric Light Orchestra - Twilight
- Prologue -
Just on the border of your waking mind
There lies... another time
Where darkness & light are one
And as you tread the halls of sanity
You feel so glad to be
Unable to go beyond
I have a message
From another time...
The visions dancing in my mind,
The early dawn the shades of time.
Twilight crawling through my window pane.
Am I awake or do I dream,
The strangest pictures I have seen,
Night is day and twilight's gone away.
With your head held high and your scarlet lies,
You came down to me from the open skies,
It's either real or it's a dream
There's nothing that is in between
Chorus
Twilight, I only meant to stay a while
Twilight, I gave you time to steal my mind
Away from me.
Across the night I saw your face
You disappeared without a trace
You brought me here but can you take me back.
Inside the image of your light
That now is day and once was night
You leave me here and then you go away.
Chorus
You brought me here but can you take me back again.
With your head held high and your scarlet lies,
You came down to me from the open skies,
It's either real or it's a dream
There's nothing that is in between
Chorus
- Electric Light Orchestra - Twilight Lyrics
Been a long time since I posted a lyrics diary entry, which I consider as the lamest of all diary types, but I really liked this song's lyrics, so here it is, went high and low to find it and ripped unapologetically without any permission from here.
Just on the border of your waking mind
There lies... another time
Where darkness & light are one
And as you tread the halls of sanity
You feel so glad to be
Unable to go beyond
I have a message
From another time...
The visions dancing in my mind,
The early dawn the shades of time.
Twilight crawling through my window pane.
Am I awake or do I dream,
The strangest pictures I have seen,
Night is day and twilight's gone away.
With your head held high and your scarlet lies,
You came down to me from the open skies,
It's either real or it's a dream
There's nothing that is in between
Chorus
Twilight, I only meant to stay a while
Twilight, I gave you time to steal my mind
Away from me.
Across the night I saw your face
You disappeared without a trace
You brought me here but can you take me back.
Inside the image of your light
That now is day and once was night
You leave me here and then you go away.
Chorus
You brought me here but can you take me back again.
With your head held high and your scarlet lies,
You came down to me from the open skies,
It's either real or it's a dream
There's nothing that is in between
Chorus
- Electric Light Orchestra - Twilight Lyrics
Been a long time since I posted a lyrics diary entry, which I consider as the lamest of all diary types, but I really liked this song's lyrics, so here it is, went high and low to find it and ripped unapologetically without any permission from here.
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