In continuation of my previous entry..
It's a strange feeling sometimes, when I think of the purpose I am here in this world. Is it arrogant to think that I, a mere individual in this infinitely (well almost) huge cosmos, has a purpose in the 'grand scheme of things'?
Or maybe I am somewhat misguided for keep thinking that I have a purpose here? Could it be that there is actually no true purpose in this existence of mine? That I in fact has a defective logic which has lead me to believe that I am actually 'special'?
It's possible that all these thinking of purpose and whatnots may actually be ways I'm using to escape from the reality. I needed to think that there is more to my existence here than just my foolish efforts of looking for Mr. Perfect.
Well, seems like the root problem boils down again to finding a partner isnt' it? How perdictable of me eh? LOL.
Sometimes I realize it's a waste of time to think about things that are beyond my understanding, like the cosmos and stuff (duh! :-P), but you know, when you are like me who has nothing else to look forward to other than chatting with a middle-aged guy living halfway across the globe and who probably isn't looking for what I'm looking for, the impossibility of understanding the cosmos actually feels like the easier thing to do :-)
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The Ultimate Question
Just came back from watching 'Lady in the Water'. Like many other movies, I read the reviews before going to watch this one, and although the majority of the people who watched it did not like it, there are some who liked it very much, so I thought what the heck I'll still go ahead and watch anyway, cos the premise of the movie is interesting enough to pique my interest.
* Spoiler ahead! *
Half-way through the movie, I knew I liked it already. It has the right dose of humour, the adrenaline moments, as well as the many metaphors that I could resonate so much. I think I could understand why a lot of people could not see past the simple plot of this story, to them this is probably just about a fairytale brought forth to the reality and how people would react to it. The fact that the whole plot is played out straight just like a fairytale (without any of Night's signature end-twists) probably is what bored most people.
The other reason why I liked the movie is because I really liked the Healer character. He's the kind of guy whom I can imagine myself falling for, lol. Something about him being a silently grieving (who does not feel the need to tell the world that he is suffering) and funny (in an adorable way) guy make him very appealing to me.
I think the very fact that this movie plays out just like a fairytale without any pretension of being a horror movie or action movie is what makes it's undertone messages all the more clearer to me. It even pokes fun of itself from time to time with some very obvious clicheness of the genre, like the kid who does his intrepertations from the cereal boxes and the non-logical plots, which by the way is exactly what a fairytale is about!
I'm very much drawn towards the themes conveyed throughout this movie, because they reflect what I (and I believe many other people) have been pondering all these time: why is faith important and what is our purpose in life.
* End of spoiler*
As we got to know more and more things about our universe with the discoveries of science, we kind of out-grown the many mysteries and wonders that used to fuel our imagination. The result is that we gradually lose our own sense of wonder towards this world we live in. Nowadays people think fairytales are just for kids, or for those who can't cope with the harshness of reality.
In the movie some of the characters admitted that they wanted to believe in the fairytales. Personally I think it would be a very boring world to live in if we could explain everything with science and predict the outcome of everything by applying the law of physics.
Do you know why we need to believe in something that defies science? Because if we believe science to be the tautology of all things, then there is no purpose for us to be in this world, for according to science there is no continuation of life after death, upon death, we would just cease to exist from this universe. In this case, does ANYTHING matter after we past away?
Nothing matters. Cos we no longer exist and whatever happens to Earth or anyone we knew or loved are of no longer importance. To us who are dead, there is nothing.
We came from nothing and we returned to nothing.
This is what I call the 'Centre of universe theory', we ourselves are the centre of our own universe, when we died and returned to nothing, so does our own universe, because without our perception of the universe, there is no universe (think I repeated the word 'universe' too many times lol).
Here is where faith comes in, i.e. religions (or what I call fairytales with a heavy moral tone :-P). We know many religions (if not all) believe in the continuation of life after death. Why so?
Because only with the belief that Earth and the rest of the universe still exists after we died, can we justify that we have a purpose of being here. You see, in this 'Perpetual universe theory', we all play a part in the evolution of this universe, regardless of how small a fraction that might be. What we did during our lifetime here on Earth will leave a mark and will create many many micro 'ripple effects' on either people or events. I'm sure you have heard of the saying that 'the flapping of a butterfly's wings could cause a weather change on the other side of the globe' (or something similiar :-P)?
When you think about it, we humans have advanced so much beyond basic animal survival instinct compared to other animals on Earth, that we ponder the reason for our own existence. Do you think any other animals do that? Does a dog think about god and where it goes after death? Does a monkey think about the reason it exists?
So the question is, why are we even capable of thinking about our purpose in life? If our existence were meant to just propagate and participate in the grand evolution in this world like the rest of the animal kingdom, why do we possess this ability to think so much more beyond our own understanding of the universe?
I'm a person of logical deductions, as you can see, I seem to like to deduce a lot of such philosophical stuff on my free time, lol. Some people believe that there are things in this world that our mind would never be able to fully comprehend due to our inherent limit. Some people say that thinking too much into these philosophical theories will eventually make one insane someday, and I personally do agree to that, because if one is not careful and keep on dwelling too deep, he might not be able to break out of it and could actually lead to insanity. Like a recursive loop in programming, one might get stuck in the loop and never be able to get out.
Sometimes when I'm down, I think about all these purposes and meaning of life, and their relevency to me finding that elusive soulmate of mine. I don't know whether I even have one, but call it blind faith, I really want to believe that there does exist such a person out there.. somewhere :-)
* Spoiler ahead! *
Half-way through the movie, I knew I liked it already. It has the right dose of humour, the adrenaline moments, as well as the many metaphors that I could resonate so much. I think I could understand why a lot of people could not see past the simple plot of this story, to them this is probably just about a fairytale brought forth to the reality and how people would react to it. The fact that the whole plot is played out straight just like a fairytale (without any of Night's signature end-twists) probably is what bored most people.
The other reason why I liked the movie is because I really liked the Healer character. He's the kind of guy whom I can imagine myself falling for, lol. Something about him being a silently grieving (who does not feel the need to tell the world that he is suffering) and funny (in an adorable way) guy make him very appealing to me.
I think the very fact that this movie plays out just like a fairytale without any pretension of being a horror movie or action movie is what makes it's undertone messages all the more clearer to me. It even pokes fun of itself from time to time with some very obvious clicheness of the genre, like the kid who does his intrepertations from the cereal boxes and the non-logical plots, which by the way is exactly what a fairytale is about!
I'm very much drawn towards the themes conveyed throughout this movie, because they reflect what I (and I believe many other people) have been pondering all these time: why is faith important and what is our purpose in life.
* End of spoiler*
As we got to know more and more things about our universe with the discoveries of science, we kind of out-grown the many mysteries and wonders that used to fuel our imagination. The result is that we gradually lose our own sense of wonder towards this world we live in. Nowadays people think fairytales are just for kids, or for those who can't cope with the harshness of reality.
In the movie some of the characters admitted that they wanted to believe in the fairytales. Personally I think it would be a very boring world to live in if we could explain everything with science and predict the outcome of everything by applying the law of physics.
Do you know why we need to believe in something that defies science? Because if we believe science to be the tautology of all things, then there is no purpose for us to be in this world, for according to science there is no continuation of life after death, upon death, we would just cease to exist from this universe. In this case, does ANYTHING matter after we past away?
Nothing matters. Cos we no longer exist and whatever happens to Earth or anyone we knew or loved are of no longer importance. To us who are dead, there is nothing.
We came from nothing and we returned to nothing.
This is what I call the 'Centre of universe theory', we ourselves are the centre of our own universe, when we died and returned to nothing, so does our own universe, because without our perception of the universe, there is no universe (think I repeated the word 'universe' too many times lol).
Here is where faith comes in, i.e. religions (or what I call fairytales with a heavy moral tone :-P). We know many religions (if not all) believe in the continuation of life after death. Why so?
Because only with the belief that Earth and the rest of the universe still exists after we died, can we justify that we have a purpose of being here. You see, in this 'Perpetual universe theory', we all play a part in the evolution of this universe, regardless of how small a fraction that might be. What we did during our lifetime here on Earth will leave a mark and will create many many micro 'ripple effects' on either people or events. I'm sure you have heard of the saying that 'the flapping of a butterfly's wings could cause a weather change on the other side of the globe' (or something similiar :-P)?
When you think about it, we humans have advanced so much beyond basic animal survival instinct compared to other animals on Earth, that we ponder the reason for our own existence. Do you think any other animals do that? Does a dog think about god and where it goes after death? Does a monkey think about the reason it exists?
So the question is, why are we even capable of thinking about our purpose in life? If our existence were meant to just propagate and participate in the grand evolution in this world like the rest of the animal kingdom, why do we possess this ability to think so much more beyond our own understanding of the universe?
I'm a person of logical deductions, as you can see, I seem to like to deduce a lot of such philosophical stuff on my free time, lol. Some people believe that there are things in this world that our mind would never be able to fully comprehend due to our inherent limit. Some people say that thinking too much into these philosophical theories will eventually make one insane someday, and I personally do agree to that, because if one is not careful and keep on dwelling too deep, he might not be able to break out of it and could actually lead to insanity. Like a recursive loop in programming, one might get stuck in the loop and never be able to get out.
Sometimes when I'm down, I think about all these purposes and meaning of life, and their relevency to me finding that elusive soulmate of mine. I don't know whether I even have one, but call it blind faith, I really want to believe that there does exist such a person out there.. somewhere :-)
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Anger
I'm angry with many things lately.
Angry with the fact that Reality decided to remind me of it's cruelty by sending someone in my apartment to steal my PDA from my room. I have lost more than just a PDA that night - a sense of security in the place where I sleep every night, and not to mention a huge chunk of faith in people.
Angry with Cupid for having me fall for those guys who tend to carry with them a bucket load of emotional baggage left from their previous ex-lovers/BFs. It seems as if all the nice guys have had their own share of great relationships and are just content on reminiscing their past.
Angry with myself for not being able to respond to the love from that sweet guy with the really nice heart because he's physically not my type. At many points how I wished I could have that 'outer-beauty reflect inner-beauty' magic spell from the movie 'Shallow Hal' cast on me, so that I can fall for all these guys who lack only the physical attraction.
Angry with those guys who asked me to add them in messengers but only to remain silent when they are online, and are so passive in having a chat. So why ask in the first place?
Angry with that bastard who parked his bike at the pedestrian walking path next to the road and gave my leg a second degree burn with that extreme hot exhaust pipe of his bike when I stepped back from the road with my back facing the bike (phew, a mouthfull description isn't it? :-P).
Angry for never being able to have enough sleep lately. Where did all the time go?
Angry with the fact that Reality decided to remind me of it's cruelty by sending someone in my apartment to steal my PDA from my room. I have lost more than just a PDA that night - a sense of security in the place where I sleep every night, and not to mention a huge chunk of faith in people.
Angry with Cupid for having me fall for those guys who tend to carry with them a bucket load of emotional baggage left from their previous ex-lovers/BFs. It seems as if all the nice guys have had their own share of great relationships and are just content on reminiscing their past.
Angry with myself for not being able to respond to the love from that sweet guy with the really nice heart because he's physically not my type. At many points how I wished I could have that 'outer-beauty reflect inner-beauty' magic spell from the movie 'Shallow Hal' cast on me, so that I can fall for all these guys who lack only the physical attraction.
Angry with those guys who asked me to add them in messengers but only to remain silent when they are online, and are so passive in having a chat. So why ask in the first place?
Angry with that bastard who parked his bike at the pedestrian walking path next to the road and gave my leg a second degree burn with that extreme hot exhaust pipe of his bike when I stepped back from the road with my back facing the bike (phew, a mouthfull description isn't it? :-P).
Angry for never being able to have enough sleep lately. Where did all the time go?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
25 is young too
Was browsing a local gay forum, came across an interesting topic on the reason why lately there has been an exponentially increase in juvenile/young gays.
My take on that would probably be two:
1. Higher gay visibility in modern times thanks to the Internet, heck I had once added a guy on the messenger only to find out that he was actually 14! Nothing more irritating than chatting with a kid who only knows to reply with 'LOL'!! Of course, I blocked him straight after giving him some of my self-righteous lecture, "Please for the love of god/parents go back and concentrate on your studies!" No, I don't hate kids, I just don't fancy the idea of dating one :-/
2. Popularisation of gay culture in the media, gradually lowering the tabooness of the subject, indirectly encouraging the gay-inclined young populance to embrace their possible gay identity.
Never underestimate these upcoming generations though, for the possibility of them causing harm to you might actually be higher than you to them. They are armed with the knowledge from the biggest resource in the world (the Internet) but yet they do not have enough conscience nor sensibility to stop them from testing the knowledge they learnt in whatever ways they could, all in the name of satisfying their curiosities. We were all young once, and I'm sure we all know how powerful a motivation curiosity can be.
I'm all for early education for the young, but I believe there are some things that one can only really truly understand upon maturity, and one of those things is sexual orientation. Look up the profiles, you will find plenty of those who are still confused even when they are already halfway through their lifetime!
So to all those nice lads who are < 21 years old, upon reading until here (assuming you bothered to read in the first place), you should know that you'd probably have a better chance with other profiles :-)
My take on that would probably be two:
1. Higher gay visibility in modern times thanks to the Internet, heck I had once added a guy on the messenger only to find out that he was actually 14! Nothing more irritating than chatting with a kid who only knows to reply with 'LOL'!! Of course, I blocked him straight after giving him some of my self-righteous lecture, "Please for the love of god/parents go back and concentrate on your studies!" No, I don't hate kids, I just don't fancy the idea of dating one :-/
2. Popularisation of gay culture in the media, gradually lowering the tabooness of the subject, indirectly encouraging the gay-inclined young populance to embrace their possible gay identity.
Never underestimate these upcoming generations though, for the possibility of them causing harm to you might actually be higher than you to them. They are armed with the knowledge from the biggest resource in the world (the Internet) but yet they do not have enough conscience nor sensibility to stop them from testing the knowledge they learnt in whatever ways they could, all in the name of satisfying their curiosities. We were all young once, and I'm sure we all know how powerful a motivation curiosity can be.
I'm all for early education for the young, but I believe there are some things that one can only really truly understand upon maturity, and one of those things is sexual orientation. Look up the profiles, you will find plenty of those who are still confused even when they are already halfway through their lifetime!
So to all those nice lads who are < 21 years old, upon reading until here (assuming you bothered to read in the first place), you should know that you'd probably have a better chance with other profiles :-)
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Fear
I realised nowadays we tend to habour a lot of fears.
Fear of trying, because we have failed many times before.
Fear of believing, because we have been let down many times before.
Fear of being happy, because we know it will never last.
Fear of being loved, because we know it will probably never last too, or worse we might end up disappointing others.
Fear is our constant reminder that we are never free in this world, it's our self-imposed prison that holds us back from doing the things that we sometimes wished we could do.
My friend thinks Long Distance Relationship is impossible, because that would be the common sense.
Another friend is not sure whether the person he loves really want him or is just treating him as a convenient lover who can be called and dismissed whenever the lover likes.
And yet another friend who had 6 years LDR + 2 years living together with his ex (who in the end went back to the home country for another guy), still hangs on to hope that he might still have chance with his ex. He now doesn't know whether he should move on, cos he probably couldn't believe how 8 years of love (not to mention mainly LDR) could just be flushed down the drain like that.
The list goes on.. painful experiences and heart-breaking stories of others instill ever more fear into our collective consciousness.
We all have this constant struggling of wanting to do something against what would happen if we really did it, while time and opportunities probably slowly passing us by. By the time we made our decision, there is already no need for a decision.
You may be able to think of an infinite number of outcomes, but the fact is there won't be one unless you start acting on it.
Fear of trying, because we have failed many times before.
Fear of believing, because we have been let down many times before.
Fear of being happy, because we know it will never last.
Fear of being loved, because we know it will probably never last too, or worse we might end up disappointing others.
Fear is our constant reminder that we are never free in this world, it's our self-imposed prison that holds us back from doing the things that we sometimes wished we could do.
My friend thinks Long Distance Relationship is impossible, because that would be the common sense.
Another friend is not sure whether the person he loves really want him or is just treating him as a convenient lover who can be called and dismissed whenever the lover likes.
And yet another friend who had 6 years LDR + 2 years living together with his ex (who in the end went back to the home country for another guy), still hangs on to hope that he might still have chance with his ex. He now doesn't know whether he should move on, cos he probably couldn't believe how 8 years of love (not to mention mainly LDR) could just be flushed down the drain like that.
The list goes on.. painful experiences and heart-breaking stories of others instill ever more fear into our collective consciousness.
We all have this constant struggling of wanting to do something against what would happen if we really did it, while time and opportunities probably slowly passing us by. By the time we made our decision, there is already no need for a decision.
You may be able to think of an infinite number of outcomes, but the fact is there won't be one unless you start acting on it.
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