I find it hard to maintain pure friendships with gay friends.
In a lot cases, it is either they befriend me with some hope for romantic/sex interest, or it is me who befriend them with some hope for romantic (rarely just sex :-P) interest.
It is actually quite hard to find someone who can be just friends, without any worries of further complications on sex or relationships.
Sometimes there are some friendships which I hope could go further into a relationship, but that comes the tricky part - I just don't know how the other person would react should I proceed to confess my feelings. Sometimes they made me felt like they like me more than as a friend, but other times they made me felt like I am but just a friend to them. Oh the confusion! LOL.
When I like a person, I can do a lot and give up a lot for him. All this while I have been hoping to look for the Mr. Right who could do the same for me. So far there were 3 such person, but the irony was that it was I who dissapointed them in the end, because as much as I enjoyed being loved by them, ultimately they were not the one I was looking for.
I tend to get emotionally attached quite easily, that's why in the end I get burnt easily. But in a way, I am also lucky in that I can detach quite easily as well, just that sometimes the pain is stronger and it takes longer to heal, forget and move on. I believe that, eventually time can heal most pains, if not all.
If you find me not replying you or not keeping in touch as often, probably it means I detected some romantic interest from you who I have no romantic interest in, and I do hope you'd understand and forgive me for taking such 'evasive maneuvers', because I just didn't want you to be even more dissapointed in the end.
Someone once commented that I sounded more mature than my age cos there are a lot of bitterness in my diaries. Yes, it is true I write mostly when I'm bitter, and when I needed to sort things out of my oftenly confused mind. But I think bitter is not always a bad thing.
Because without darkness, how can we appreciate light?
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2 comments:
its been sometime i've came here. hmm... i reli do agree with wat u said. it made me even more to be anonymous. gud to pour and let ppl aware ur concerns... well if they care. no harm trying deh. i myself at times gave up oso. hence thats where my 2nd blog came into place. kekeke. so hope we can b frens la yar. take care dude. cheers!
Thanks for the comments and well wishes. Am glad that there is at least someone who can identify with what I said :-P It is for this reason why I bothered to post up blogs.
For further communication, feel free to send me a message at the e-mail on my profile page :-)
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