Bliss

Recently I had my first try at artificial happiness.

It's like drunk, only difference was that I didn't throw up and I didn't have the overwhelming smell of alcohol, both of which I didn't miss too much.

For the first time I understood why people seek artificial happiness, whether it be the liquid from the bottle or the little beans from that small plastic bag.

It was bliss.

It was as if I have became another person, whose mental locks have been opened and somehow I found calmness, peace and contentment within myself.

During the aritificially induced happiness, I realized that I was rather fond of this other side of me, who was more outspoken, daring and fun. And yes, I could probably keep yakking until the sun comes out being in that state, lol.

Which brings me to my point, why is it that I could not be as outspoken, daring and fun during my normal self if that's the person I would like to be? Why can't I be as happy and carefree without being artificially influenced?

I'm a rather (some say) shy and uptight (some say cool :-P) guy in person, but in actual I've always wanted to be that bubbly-charismatic-outgoing-fun guy that I can only become when under the influence.

It might have been my upbringing, or it might have been many other reasons which caused me to put in all those mental locks and obstacles in my mind from being the person I want to be. Try as I may, but it's rather hard to change the mentality of a person, eventhough it's my own.

Something happened during this first time when I was under the influence, it was dissapointing at first, but later it turned out to be one of the nights I would not likely forget. I found something else during the period which I did not expect to find. My only regret was that I had to find it under such circumstance.

Despite all these, I still wouldn't condone the use of artificial happiness, because it is only a temporary solution and it always will be. Although it did help me realise how much more bliss I could have attained and how different I could have been without the mental chains, I sure hope to learn to find bliss and re-discover the fun part of me someday on my own, without any artificial tools perhaps :-)