A (Very Long) Fairytale

The story begins when he first sent me a mail in an online profile website..

I did not really pay attention to him at first, and only replied his mails casually, because he did not seem to be 'my type' from the pictures he posted on his profile.

Somehow throughout the correspondence, we exchanged contact numbers, cos he seemed really interested in getting to know me.

After some periods of long silence and missed opportunities to meet up (mainly cos I wasn't really interested in meeting up), one day he sent me an sms asking to meet up with me.

And we finally got to meet.

It must had been one of the strangest things that had happened to me, because apparently he was one of those cute passerbys on the street whom I had seen quite a number times and somehow left such a deep impression in my mind that I recognized the familiar face the moment I saw him (hereafter to be refered to as the Cute Guy). It was quite a shock, as in "Oh my gawd, it's HIM!" and a very pleasent one at that.

So we chatted, over a fairly large range of topics, as I was quite into it, obviously due to the fact that I have had crushes on him even before I knew him (when I passed him by at some random places previously, at which point I still did not know he was gay, strange I know to be able to bump into somebody I don't even know for so many times, apparently KL is really not that big :-P).

In the course of the conversation, he mentioned a bit about his desire to venture into having his own business and asked me what do I think about doing my own business. I didn't give much thought about it and replied casually.

I was kinda surprised to find that during the course of our dinner chat, he bumped into quite a few of his friends there (which was a popular shopping centre). He invited one of his friends to stop by and joined our chat. And that was when things start to go a bit weird.

His friend begun to elaborate quite a bit on his experience of being a businessman, how he built up his own business and is now venturing into some other apparently very 'do-able' business venture.

After trying my best to give him my full attention listening to his experience, he left telling me to consider giving myself a chance to explore other opportunities. Although he did not really tell me what business venture he was involved in (he only mentioned an apparently quite famous organization with three letters, which I had no idea what it was about at that moment), but I sort of had an inkling that it may be one of those that involves some heavy 'people networking'.

Before walking to the train station with Cute Guy, he told me he'd like to stop by somewhere to take his bag. And arriving at that 'somewhere' (hereafter to be refered to as the HQ) finally helped me realised what the business venture Cute Guy and his friend were referring to. However it still gave me quite a bit of surprise, because I had been to one of the seminars organized by this business venture sometime back, thanks to my primary school mate (actually my purpose that time was just to have a reunion with the old school mate, but the school mate suggested to meet me at the seminar, so I went reluctantly), but I did not know it was related to this three-letter organization that Cute Guy is involved in.

After the detour to HQ, Cute Guy apparently noticed my lack of interest in the business venture and it seemed as if his attitude towards me became colder compared to before (could be just my imagination, but I am generally quite sensitive/over-sensitive towards other people's moods).

We stopped by for some light supper before heading towards the train station.

I tried to console myself that the coldness was probably cos Cute Guy was tired, so I kept my utmost optimistic character and bid farewell to him at the train station.

That night after reaching home, I did the usual stupid things I'd do when I meet someone I really like - I expressed my liking for him in sms. His reply was very vague at best, comprised of some laughing expressions and general avoidance of the 'more than friend' topic. I expressed my wish to see him again soon.

Two days later..

Cute Guy smsed me asking to meet me up after work. No doubt, I was only too happy to meet him again.

As the meeting approached, he gave me a call, asking me whether I mind going to the HQ to meet him instead of the earlier agreed place, cos he had some things to do there. My excitement to meet him took a dive, an uneasy feeling started to creep down my spine. I was beginning able to see where it was leading me, but I still said yes despite my reservations, cos I really wanted to see him again.

Arriving at HQ, he came to greet me and brought me into the building. He asked me whether I had my dinner, I said no, cos I thought I could have it with him. He seem surprised, and said he'd accompany me to have some light snacks first, and that he'll accompany me for a more proper dinner after he's done with his stuff at HQ.

During the light snack, he asked me whether it was ok for him to explain more of the business venture stuff to me, I said I was fine with it. Then he asked me, would I feel that he tricked me into listening to all these business venture stuff. I said no, and that I went with my own will (when the fact was that I was so into him that time I would have agreed to do anything for him).

After some detailed explanations of the business venture by his two seniors followed by an additional 2-hour seminar, I finally came out of the HQ tired, hungry and with a very full bladder, cos I was reluctant to leave the seminar half-way seeing how everyone there was so engrossed in the motivational talk and also I did not want to dissapoint Cute Guy (who I later noticed was actually no where to be found in the seminar). But I did notice some familiar faces I've seen before from the online profiles, apparently quite a number of 'people like us' are in such business, which I must say came as not much of a surprise, seeing how big of a 'network' we tend to make over time *cough*.

Coming out of the HQ, I met again with Cute Guy and we finally went for a proper dinner. He again seemed kinda cold, and I again try to convince myself that he was probably tired. He told me I shouldn't have left the seminar by myself leaving his senior behind, because it was his senior who brought me into the seminar. I apologized, explaining that I was trying to look for him as soon as the seminar ended, therefore I left without following his senior.

The subsequent conversations between us were interspaced with some awkward quiet moments, when I would feel kinda lost and not sure how I should go about chatting with his sometimes cold demeanor. I tried asking his opinion about the possibility of meeting again, but he always seem to give vague answers, although sometimes he does show like he was enjoying our interactions.

We parted at the train station.

After that, we managed to exchange a few sms. Until now, I'm still not sure whether the reason he asked to meet me up was because he was interested in getting to have us know each other better, or was he merely wanting to explore the possibility of me becoming his business partner.

The reason I'm detailing out this experience is not to criticize nor condemn these business ventures, but just to tell what happened as it is, you are free to have any of your own intrepertation and views about them. Personally I have nothing against such business ventures, except that I feel uneasy on the fact that they primarily use human relations as a mean of earning money.

Perhaps I am still considered old-fashioned, not being able to see the new light coming out of this new breed of business, clinging to my age-old concept of being contented by just being an average salaried joe.

I have been to a few of their seminars before (each of different companies), and to me it felt like attending a religious gathering, because most of the time there would be some prominent figures in the organizations who have earned a lot of money. These key figures would attain a god-like status in the organizations, worshipped by the members of the organization and becoming the ultimate role model. You will see that the members would be generally quite psyched up to becoming the next god, that they would attend the nightly gatherings and seminars religously, and that they would cheer and chant their mottos full of vigor. Is this really not like a religion?

Maybe it's the nature of current modern society, where people are so tired of everyday relationship strains, workplace politics, and they tend to look for a place where they can feel that they belong to, where people treats them like family, where they can have someone worthy of looking up to, and something to believe in. Such organizations based on 'people networking' provided these to them, especially to the more impressionable young crowds.

Yes, it is a proven fact that there are many who have made it to the riches doing such business ventures, yet if you ask me, I would rather not want to become a millionaire if it means I have to capitalise on my friends and families. I'm afraid of people looking at me as someone who just befriend them becos I want them to 'see the light' and join me together in becoming the next millionaire.

It is one thing to gain some benefits through human relationships (i.e. workplace politics), it is another thing to befriend someone just for the sake of earning more money, because if anything, friendships shouldn't be based on monetary values they can bring to you. You are my friend because it is you as a person I enjoy being with, not because you can help me buy that long desired Ferrari or Louis Vuitton bag.

Of course, I believe not all who joined the 'people networking' businesses look at human relationships as merely threads of monetary benefits, but the nature of such businesses tend to colour them in the same shade of hue, creating doubts in the minds of outsiders like me who really doesn't know when they are truly genuine in making friends, or just wanted to see whether they can sign me up as their business partners.

I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone who read this diary entry, again I would like to stress that it is not my intention to judge anyone or what they do, I am just trying to share a dilemma I recently faced that is related to such networking business and what I personally think of it. Anyone is free to make their own judgements. Maybe they might think I deserve to have such dilemma for it seems as if I fell into it self-knowingly (lust, anyone?), or maybe they might think I was just trying to whine about not being able to get the guy that I liked by blaming the networking business dehumanize people, etc..

This is called a fairytale, only because I really hoped it would turn out to be a fairytale in the beginning. But I guess I should have known my luck in such things :-P