If You Were Mine

I cannot forget,
The night of drum beats and coloured lights,
Among the crowd of beautiful strangers,
We moved with the rhythm of the party.

Your body close to mine,
My hands along your waist,
As we rocked with the beat,
What a wonderful feeling.

I surrendered myself to the spirit,
I bathed myself among the air of your sweet perfume,
The warmth from your touch,
The whispers between our ears.

I thought to myself, "If only you were mine.."

Sex, love or me?

I don't know..

Sex seems to be the only thing people want from me, regardless of whether I'm their type or not..

The guys I like, either treat me as friend, or worse only want me for sex..

The guys I treat as friends or have no feelings for, want me for love..

Where does the cycle end?

Star Wars Episode 3 : Revenge of the Sith

Never was a big fan of Star Wars, but being a true Science Fiction fan, there are some part of Star Wars that I do find endearing.

I must admit that I have a rather high expectation for this third and final installment of the Star Wars prequels, cos the previous 2 were mediocore at best.

The reviews I read before going were not too bad, so I was indeed carrying a higher than usual expectation.. well I think you should've been able to guess by now that I wasn't really that impressed after coming out of the cinema :-P

The acting, the screenplay.. I tried my best to immerse myself into the supposedly tragic storyline, but I couldn't, because I was really distracted by the somewhat lacking acting and emotional atmosphere.

The only parts I like are the lightsabre duel sequences and the computer graphics.. yea, such shallowness, lol.

But it does make me want to go watch the original trilogy again, w00t, time to get those DVDs! :-P

The journey to nowhere..

This journey which I've been taking all this while has been long and one filled with unforgettable events.

The goal of this journey was to find 'something' which has been my main reason to live (or I believe so far).

The journey has been on and off, because after every leg I would feel incredibly disappointed and exhausted.

But every now and then, I would feel compelled to pick it up again, because the calling of that 'something' is constantly strong.

I find myself near the end of this current leg of the journey, for I have run out of both heart and will to continue the search, not to mention the capacity to swallow anymore heartaches and tears.

As the journey goes on, I'm starting to doubt whether I would be able to see the light at the end of this journey, as I realise after every leg I have came back in full circle.

What's this feeling?

You know that letting him go is the right thing to do and that is what you did.

You thought that you could forget him just like every other guys that have came and went through your life.

You thought time can wash everything away, including feelings..

But somehow deep down inside, whenever you think of the time you spent with him, you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of lost and loneliness.

Those were the happiest time for you.

You couldn't help but wonder whether you'll find the same happiness again without him.

Is he the one? Is he the only one who can bring you true happiness? What if he's the one and now you have let him go?

And then you think, am I just missing the happiness when I'm with him or am I missing the person that is him?

Do we love someone just because we want to be happy? If so, doesn't it mean that love is selfish?

Ikhtisar

I have been keeping a diary of sorts on fridae all these time, never thought I would be able to maintain it for that long, cos usually my past attempts at maintaining diaries all eventually lead to abandonment after a short period due to my lazy nature.

At the moment I wrote this, there are currently 24 diary entries in my fridae profile, therefore it suddenly occur to me that maybe I could maintain a parallel blog site elsewhere with the same diary content as the one on my fridae, this way one wouldn't need to be registered on fridae to be able to read my diaries. So all blog entries prior to this entry are actually re-entered here according to their original dates, hope nobody got confused! :-P

For some reason, I was hoping the stuff I wrote could be reached by a wider audience, cos I love to write when I have the inspiration and I wish I could share them with other perhaps like-minded people.

A sign of loneliness? Perhaps..

What's Worse Than Having No BF?

Answer No.:

1) Single sidedly (so I think) falling for a seemingly perfect guy who is bi, non-local, of different race, from a conservative family, smokes and with a mobile working environment. He's perfect alright, just that he comes with every single imaginable trait which I've been trying to avoid all these time. Talk about being fucked-up by fate :-)

2. Being told by the same guy that he'll be looking for a gf after around 2 years and hopefully getting married soon after that.

*insert numerous thunder sounds with tragic background music*

But seriously, to love or not to love? If only life is that simple. Is the love worth seeking if you've already known its expiry date?

3. Everytime I think of him, I'll get Lovesick Syndrome.

Lovesick Syndrome - A condition which I seem to get into automatically whenever I fall in love and the odds ain't lookin' pretty. The symptoms kinda go like this: I'll consistently think of a person, the more I think of him the more I'll feel sad, the sadder I feel the more I'll feel sick (literally), and eventually I'll probably really fall sick.

4. Sometimes I feel like becoming a monk or priest and go on a pilgrimage to seek a peace of my mind. Maybe some might feel that this sounds kinda extreme, but it is how I feel at times when I couldn't break out of sadness caused by all these love things which I seem to be easily overwhelmed with. Maybe that's why some people seek the state of 'no desire', cos 'no desire' = 'no suffering'. No?

Kingdom of Heaven

Went to watch Ridley Scott's 'Kingdom of Heaven' with a new friend. Wasn't really motivated at first due to the fact that I'm not a big fan of pretty boy Orlando Bloom, but since it was under Ridley Scott's production and is supposed to be an epic film, I thought maybe I should give it a go.

And boy was I not disappointed. I have not read any reviews regarding this film yet, as there were none available. With zero expectation before going into the cinema, I was rather surprised finding myself getting absorbed into the film with its very epic feel and sometimes dramatic touch to story elements.

Things I like about the movie: Ridley Scott's touch, Liam Neeson, big props, sweeping vistas, beautiful and somewhat charismatic princess (Eva Green), D&D-movie-was-in-the-past Jeremy Irons, super nice/ugly/tragic Jerusalem king with a super cool looking mask and voice, totally cool/humane villain (technically they are not villain per se, its just that they are on the opposite side of the war in the movie) characters, the ending and of course, cute medieval guys (yes!).

Things I don't like as much in the movie: Orlando Bloom's in-movie not entirely likable character (well at least this time its more likable than the character from Troy :-P)

So, did I like it? You bet!