Reality Check

Another week went by, was supposed to be an easy week for me as I was on leave the whole week, but the bored me had to go chat people up, looking for trouble..

For the first time I came across net friends who could be so unreasonable. It shocked me, and I wondered why only now I realise that it's a wild wild world out there, guess I was just being lucky before this for knowing mostly nice people.

I think I've been too active this year, seeking friends from this circle, going through relationships, stumbling a lot along the way, and many a time making a fool out of myself.

But I think I learned a lot, and I know that I'm flawed in many things, i.e. differentiating love and affection, dealing with crushes, managing friends, over-exposing myself (lol), inferiority complex (for aiming too high) and so on..

People always say I'm shallow, putting more weight on outlooks than the inner heart, I don't blame them, cos I'm admittedly a very visual person. I have been so since young, as I used to draw a lot, and drawing makes me pay a lot of attention to the visual pleasentness of everything, especially people.

Somehow this superficial trait has extended and permeated into my subconscious. To me, the character of a person is no less important, but currently I don't think it's possible for me to fall in love with someone based on just their character, my desire for a person can only come from the sum of the person, and that includes his physical appearence.

As much as I want to sound like an enlightened person, it kinda sucks to have to admit that I'm still bound by my basic lust for pleasent looking things.

Well I guess this is why reality is reality, and ideals are just .. ideals.