A close cyber friend

- 14 Aug 2004 -

We exchanged emails almost everyday for 3 months, we told each other a lot of things, a lot of everyday things in our lives.

He gave me his number long time ago, I called a few times, only I called. I proposed to meet twice, twice failed, only I proposed. What is wrong here? No, nothing is wrong if he is only a close cyber friend.

If only our hearts are made of switches with '0's and '1's, then I would gladly switch off the one labeled 'close cyber friend'.

If only I can switch it off, I wouldn't mind reading his sexual encounters, I wouldn't mind reading about his problems and not feel the urge to reach for him and give him a hug, I wouldn't mind reading the many times he came to the city and yet not bothered to contact me..

I wouldn't mind many things, if only he is just a close cyber friend.

The choices..

Continue - Much pain and self conflict over an indeterminable time expected, still exists remote chance of winning the ultimate prize, although it is also a possibility that there may in fact exist no ultimate prize

Game over - Tremendous pain and sorrow expected over a shorter period of time and possibly irreversible regret in the future, already lost

The choice...


- 24 Aug 2004 -

Am currently exploring a third option..